Strange

In one of my previous posts, I said that when pushed too far, I will fight back. Well, it seems as though I have finally reached that point. And I feel very calm and confident that no matter what the outcome, I will begin to move on. Not just forward, but on with my life. The bigger, better me is just waiting to burst out. So it's about time I let him free. I now realize that in trying to recapture what I thought I had, I am wasting all the great things I have to offer. I am sorry for those who had me in their life but chose a lesser path. I'm not saying I am the right path, I am saying that there are those who, through their own actions, have gone in a direction that I am not willing to go. I am better then that, and I know it. To err is human, but to let others choices effect my life negatively is unacceptable. It is time I go after what I want in life, not what others want for me. I already have a goal, and a gameplan, so now comes the hard part. Sticking to it and getting it. And I will get it. All of it. Just you watch me. goodnight

Come on people!!!!

Are you kidding me??? What is wrong with everyone?? I'm talking about dating. More specifically, "non-exclusive" dating. If there ever was a sugar coated name for fucking whoever you want, this is it. I can't for the life of me understand Y society has deemed this an appropriate activity. Just so I'm clear on this. Non-exclusive dating means you hang out, have fun, and screw, but both of you are free to screw others if you so choose. Sure sounds like cheating to me, but it's ok cause you call it something else, right? So if I kill someone, but instead of murder, I call it "trimming the fat" That would make a difference? NO!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, I am a monogamy or nothing kinda guy. Sex is something great, fun, and exciting, and should be shared with someone you care about, not them and all the other people they are screwing at the time. There is more to dating then just sex. The trust, intimacy, and friendship is a great experience. Sex is really just a bonus. A really awesome, important bonus, don't get me wrong. I refuse to be "non-exclusive" with anyone. If I am not enough for them, then they are not the right person for me. Period. Goodnight.

The Problem With Money

Money is the root of all evil, thanx to the greed of the masses. In good times and bad, money is a driving force of corruption in almost everyone's lives. The lifelong search for wealth oftentimes makes people forget what is truly important. Family, love, happiness. Now don't misunderstand me, wanting to be well off is not a bad thing at all. Being able to live comfortably and support yourself and family is admirable. Being able to retire earlier to enjoy life is not a bad trait. Wanting to make millions because you just don't want to work, or want others to respect what you've done is selfish. Did you make money to benifit your family? Are you willing to help those you love, or who are in need? If the answer is no, then you are no better then a common criminal. Money is a driving factor in our everyday lives. But it cannot be the end result. Amassing more wealth than you could possibly spend is foolhardy at best. Just so others can see you as successful? Wake up. Having goals, hopes, and dreams are great, but morals and values must be involved in all choices. Check out divorces. When a couple get divorced, money is very often used as a spear, to pierce the other person. "They hurt me emotionally, and don't care, so I will hurt them financially, because that is the only weapon I have." With all the amazing things the human race has accomplished, why can we not overcome this setback. My brother told me, "if money is the only thing left that is being fought over, why fight. It's only money." (I know, smart guy, eh?) Now, let's not forget that people are greedy, and may push too far. Don't get taken for everything, and put yourself into money troubles just to avoid fighting. But try and remember that you married this person, and at one point in time you loved them. That may have changed, but there must still be a mutual respect lingering in the wings. Be fair, after all, life is more than cash and possessions. I have an abundance of respect for the people I love in my life, whether they return it or not. The old saying goes: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." My phrase would be, "Do unto others what in your heart and mind you know to be right." Goodnight

High road confusion

When a person takes the high road in any given situation, others think one of two things. One, he is commended and admired for "rising above". Or, they think he is weak, or a pussy, and can walk all over him. It depends on the person, he may be either or. So let me set the story straight in regards to myself. In my life, I am trying to take the high road. That is my choice, because that is the person I choose to be. Notice I said CHOOSE? Do not be mistaken. I am neither weak nor a pussy. I will bend on a great many things, because I am seeing the big picture, my future, and am working towards that goal always. But I WILL NOT BE WALKED ON, BROKEN, OR DISRESPECTED!!!!!!!! If you push too far, you will come to find that I am not someone to be taken advantage of. When I am done being nice, and accomadating, and civil, you will find a very determined, strong, and stubborn man in front of you. And let me clear that up for you. That doesn't mean I will snap and beat the crap out of someone. I will fight if I have to, but there are other ways to 'fight', so to speak. So from here on in, do not push me too far, do not underestimate me. I am my own person, and not your doormat. Goodnight

Blessing in disguise

So this little tidbit came to me as I was driving home today. You know when people say that they have gone "numb" or "shut down" everyone else gets worried. That is not always a bad thing. I haven't been sleeping well or eating regularly for about two weeks. The stress of my life was, for lack of a better phrase, consuming my life. But I made a collosal life-altering choice on Sunday. It may be for the better, it may not, but I still made it. And after that. I admit I kinda went numb. The definition of numb is roughly "a lack of feeling". Totally makes sense. good thing I have had a lot of practice acting happy. hahaha But I realized something. When your feelings go numb, the survivor part of your brain kicks in subconciously. When your body is tired, it will sleep. When it's hungry, it will eat. It will keep on living because the logical side of the brain refuses to give up when the alternative is easily gained. Being numb can effect all of your thoughts, but can only fully control emotions. So why fight it. Numbness is also a safety feature designed so that we can deal with one thing at a time, thereby avoiding being overwhelmed and doing something stupid.
Don't get me wrong, I am not a fan of this feeling, or lack thereof, but it is something that I am going to deal with. I know it will go away, when I am strong enough and ready to deal with everything. And I can;t wait, because I truly want to be happy, not just make the motions. Goodnight

confidence buster

Until recently I never realized the extent of mixed signals conveyed to all of us everyday. Today I found my next bit of enlightenment. Self confidence. All of us need it, Want it, must have it in our daily lives. And yet very few of us can actually show it. The reason dawned on my today at work while casually talking to my co-workers. If a person exudes confidence, others take it as arrogance. Be confident in who you are, but know that we will take is a being cocky, stuckup, and snobbish. WTF!!!!!! Showing off to make people like, respect, or fear you is childish at best. And yet we can't distinguish between someone boasting and that true person who is sincerely proud of who they are. And no, people who think they are perfect are not confident: they are blind to the real world. We need to realize and appreciate the greatness in others.
Adding to that is self confidence in dating. My favorite jumble of filth out today is "Know what you want, and go for it. Let nothing stand in your way!" My answer to that gem of wisdom is "Go Fuck Your Hat!" The driving factor in what we will do or say for a relationship isn't what we want, it's fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of losing, fear of failing in love. For those who know what they want, good for you. Don't be afraid to stand by your decision. Too often people know what they want, but refuse to share it all because they think, "maybe my standards are too high", "they are good, not great, but good enough" Understandably, some peoples expectations are a little high for the rest of the world. We need to choose the qualities that are most important to us and stand by them. When we find the love that matches those qualities, the rest will fall into place. And the important things that we need may not be Huge at all. One of mine is random pda. Nothing huge, but still important to me.
Self confidence can be the most important part of our happiness. You need to have it in order to start a successful relationship. Love who you are, believe in yourself, and remember that no matter what others think, being true to your own self means not settling for less than you deserve. Goodnight

white lies

Now before I start today, I want to make something clear. I am not a pessimist or a scarred individual. I am generally happy and fun-loving. Right now though, I have a lot to deal with in my life, and sharing helps me to deal. Even if no one is reading it. So let's go.
"Little White Lies"
I'm having a hard time understanding this concept. In my opinion, a lie is a lie. worked for people a hundred years ago, why not now. So what's your excuse? "I want to spare their feelings" is a crock. You just don't want to be the one to deal with the fallout when someone else tells them the truth. You didn't say it, not your fault. Pass the blame. CHICKEN!!! If they can't take the truth from you, a friend, spouse, or family member, what hope do they have of taking it from a stranger. Next excuse: "white lies don't hurt anyone" Again, the problem is with the blissfully stupid. lies of any kind, white or not, lead to more lies. We are creatures of habit, and everything we do, good or bad, can become commonplace. Small lies turn into big lies before you know it, and when you realize where you are, it's most often too late. Which brings me to an issue of mine. Relationships. Everyone says when you're in a relationship, white lies are o.k. Give your head a shake!! I believe there are two types of relationships: White lies and real ones. If, in your relationship, you have been asked, "do these jeans make me look fat?" "Have I gained weight?", "do I satisfy you in bed?" and so on, then you are at the defining moment of your union. How you think may change your life. Let me explain. If you think your answers are little white lies, just to make your other happy or feel better, watch out. You are in the lie zone. Now the lies have become normal, and the door is opened, just a crack, for more devastating falsehoods. Tread carefully. The other way of thinking is, to me, the telltale sign of true happiness. If you are asked those questions and you answer is both flattering and honest, you are a true partner. When true love finds two people, You do not look at the other and pick out the faults. You love them for everything, body, mind, soul, heart, and even the stray hair or mishappen toe. They capture your heart with their complete being, not a combination of good pieces. And you cannot love someone "in spite" of their flaws. Flaws do not exist. Your heart doesn't yearn for someone "except when they snore" or "when they're not drinking from the carton". Again, I do lay some blame for white lies at the doorstep of society in general. If you don't agree, answer me this. Why is it o.k. to lie, but not to be known as a liar? They are one and the same. You cannot save someone from heartache or grief by misleading them.
One final thought: If you use little white lies with those around you, how do you know they aren't lying to you as well? And to what degree? Good night.